belldandy20

How I struggled between sanity and insanity

I love creating drawings. Not as illustrations or posters but rather making comics. It is not in my style to abandon them. If in case I stopped working on a piece, I'll just keep it aside until I'm in a mood to continue it again. Once a story is made inside my head, I tend to not let it go until I can doodle it. This is to make me remember the scene and use it as a reference to other stories I made for improvements. When I'm thinking about the story I like looking at the sky. It's blue and calms down my mind when I'm confuse or lost. Because whenever a story runs inside my head, an image keeps showing up and start moving on its own. Like there's a movie I need to watch that's only visible to my eyes.

Out of those struggles, some people I know will describe me as a "snob" or "not friendly". This is because most of the time even if I'm with someone or in a group; when an idea suddenly enters my brain I think it over too much that I neglect who I'm with or what topic are we discussing. I can't even remember the names especially if I met someone new. I think I suck at multi-tasking.

I don't have confidence on my works. Since elementary, even though they say my drawings are good, for me its not enough that I tend to hide it. I don't usually speak what my mind wants to say. I just let everyday pass-by without telling anything rather than talking about it. Don't get me wrong, I love my own works and I'm proud of it myself. But I am also aware that there are people out there who are more talented than me. I'm not competitive but I'm too sensitive. Sensitive to hear critiques and hatred. Only I can show my true self to close friends and I can only count them using my fingers.

About the 4-season stories:

Since Highschool, I really swear to myself that I'm going to make 4 one-shot comics that will be full of emotions and inspiration. Each will represent each season. Since that day, I made a progress of each stories. The 1st one I created was "Tear of Winter". That story has been spreading throughout my notes during school days but up until now only a few knows about it. I released the story at Wattpad 2-3 years ago but realized that my plot doesn't do good in a story type (I suck at expressing through words). My visualization of this 4 are images that are stuck in my head. It keeps repeating endlessly like a video recorder over and over. I need to keep my sanity by doodling some in papers or by writing it but I'm still not contented.

I'm a busy person. I have a family, a job and a cute son. My gift is not enough to make a living out of it so I work as a regular agent. But even during busy days, I can still have some time drawing stuffs depending on my mood. This 4 are the top ones. I've been trying so hard to sketch them perfectly as how I see it within my head but converting it to an image using my current skills is not enough. I keep repeating the drawings with the same scene over and over again but it is still not good for me. I'm not contented. I feel that I need to train more. I feel my skill still lacks style. I felt very frustrated.

But it didn't stop me from abandoning those works. For me I feel that I need to show it to someone sooner or later. It is after all a story that needs to be seen by public. Don't get me wrong here, I don't show it just for glory (what will I even gain about it with my current skills? lol) I just believe that all stories created are destined to be spread. What will be the use of it if you're going to keep it lock until you die? No one will see it. No one will appreciate it. No one will know how your story is. It's just lonely thinking about it.

My 4 season story prologues:

This is official. I don't know when will I able to finish it but rest assured it will be release. All are only one-shot so expect a 60 pages comic of each story. I'll be happy to know if you have comments about the prologues. I might even delete the stories in my Wattpad if it needs too but right now, I'm already contented with the flow of each one.

1. Tear of Winter - Adrian have everything. Wealth, glory, even women just name it and he will get it if he feels like it. But feeling really sick recently, he was forcefully sent to a doctor for a check-up. Everything was running smoothly until he finds himself waking up out of nowhere in a cold winter night. He wants to remember what happened and he can only rely to a girl who saw him on that same spot. Will he be able to know what actually happened to him? Or will he remember something more than just a short trip to a doctor?
2. Sketches by Spring - Spring is gifted in making drawings and illustrations. Her style focuses on visualization and expression that mesmerizes almost everyone who sees her works. There's only one thing that distances her from the public and that is born as a special child. Regardless, Dr. Jefferson a popular research doctor who specializes in such case wants to make a popular thesis project and he choose Spring as a test subject. Will he be able to understand the messages in Spring's paintings? Or will the paintings she created remains a mystery forever?
3. 60 days of Summer memories - Natalee's family has a tradition of reserving 2 months vacation in an isolated place for relaxation and bonding. While Charles' family won a prize of 2 months vacation too for free. Coincidentally, due to bad communication between travel agents and the owners of the said promo both families got stuck in the same rest house for two months. The worst is, the vacation spot is an island and the ferry only goes there for a pick up every two months. A comedy-rumble love story of how the two families with different status and life got stuck together for 2 months.
4. Lucky Autumn; Bad Fall - Aimee is just a simple girl who lives by herself with no family or any relatives to support her. But a lot of people who knows her are always there to help her out when she needs one. The reason is, she brings good luck to people surrounding her. Every time she goes to a place or get close to a person they tend to get good fortunes. These events lend her to meet Lucien; a happy-go-lucky rich kid who does what he wants. Lucien got intrigue on the "good-luck charm girl" thing that he insist its just everyone's imagination. Will he be able to prove that? Or will he know the price Aimee needs to pay for her good-luck charm ability?